Then there was one.

He had to watch me kill myself several times a month. I obviously never succeeded, but the struggle he had to go through for years, just trying to keep my head above water and keep himself afloat as well, is excruciating to think about now. Having someone you love tell you that they refuse to live, I can't imagine that heartache. He would've stayed there and done that for the rest of his life, if I had let him. I know what cruel is like, because I used to be cruel. Much like an insecure man goes on to become to become a cop and make every one's life miserable, I had to pick the sweetest man in the world to ruin his life.
Since then I have vowed to be nice, and to not date anyone too nice.
I don't know if I really am nicer. But now I am free from all addiction, and I take care of myself now. I actually feel uncomfortable when people try to do things for me now...Guilt, it moves me.