Sleeping Alone

Shit.

My nightlight burnt out, now how am I going to sleep? Twenty-four year old still has a nightlight?  It's pathetic, I know. Maybe If you had hallucinations about spiders on your pillows, spiders on the wall, giant spiderwebs hanging from the ceiling, YOU would need a nightlight too.

Truth is though, I started sleeping with a nightlight before I had hallucinations, but now I do it because of them. I swear I'm not quite as crazy as I sound, and I only see spiders when I sleep alone. I can't tell the real cause of why I see them, I'm not deathly afraid of spiders,and  I've never been bit. As a matter of fact I just caught a spider on Friday and put it in a bug kit for the girls I nanny. I didn't have any problem doing that, that didn't make me sweat or stay up all night in the least. But when I wake up at 2 a.m. with a tarantula crawling on the pillow next to me, I get a little jumpy. The first time it happened I thought I just had spiders in the apartment, but since then I have moved twice, and I highly doubt there are spiders the size of grapefruits just climbing up my walls at night. And the spiderwebs I wake up too that look as big as fishing nets disappear after a few blinks. I have to wonder if I am a psychologists wet dream with all my "issues". But the infestation of my mind hardly effects the rest of my life, so I really don't bother with the idea of seeing someone.

I never experienced anything like this when I was little, I mean I had nightmares, and slept with a nightlight occasionally, but not like I do as an adult. They say it isn't the dark you are afraid of, it's what is in the dark, and of course that's true. No one is scared of darkness itself, but people taking you, mythical creatures, and burglars. I much prefer the daylight, even rainy days kill my joy. Have you ever heard Ben Harper's "She's only happy in the sun"? If you haven't it's very beautiful, and very true about me.

Hopefully the moon has some sweet dreams for me. Hold the spiders please.