About Me

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I am twenty-four years old, I love to read, write, sing, listen to music, watch theater, open presents, hike, and climb. The number one thing I dislike is lazy people. My goal in life over job, or money, or travel, is to overcome the struggles of the past, and become a whole, happy woman.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Fighting between want and need

Is it wrong to wish other people weren't having fun, because you aren't having fun? I get told the same thing all the time. "Well, then why don't you come?" Because all the things I like to do are expensive, like indoor climbing, sky diving, survival classes, arcades, art classes. I don't like free sports like tossing a Frisbee or kicking a ball. I'd rather be reading or listening to music. I do have a lot of interest in being with a book club,HA, that's free. That's what I'm into. That's what makes my heart skip a beat. Artsy stuff. A pottery class, wine tasting, cooking class?! UGH why did I have to be born poor?! I would be great sitting in a huge yellow room, in a big white house, drinking tea and discussing the lower class citizens of our town.
Okay, maybe that's the wrong era, and so what if I'm one of the lower class citizens I wish I could be gossiping about over tea. I could do it. I could spend all day shopping for dresses and looking for the perfect hat to go with each of them. You don't believe me? Go look at my amazon wish list on my page, I promise you there is a big beautiful tea hat somewhere on page one. I say screw the jewels, and the thousand dollar shoes. But oh dear God, please give me dresses, and blouses, with ribbons, and hats, and stockings, and lace, all tied together with a neat bow.
"Excuse me, Charlotte" I can almost hear me calling to the maid. "The crystal has a smidgen of dust on it" Then of course Charlotte would roll her eyes, and bad mouth me with the other servants, and at the end of the story I would die, end up poor, or in jail. I've read enough fairy tales to know that the rich don't last, and the poor young women end up princesses or with a castle or manor.
I've come of age, I'm poor, I look like I could possibly be a princess turned away from love, so where are my riches? Psh, fairy tales, they are always bullshitting us. The truth is, the rich live forever in their comfy homes, while the poor struggle daily. But I honestly don't know where I would be without struggle? Struggle is who I am. It defines me. I struggle to get out of bed, I struggle to be a normal human being, I struggle to go out into the world and attempt socialization, without all that I'm nothing. I'm just like them. Do I want to be ungrateful? No, I guess not.
I guess it would be sad to loose the thrill of finding a beautiful skirt for 75% off, or going to the dollar store and realize you never want to pay more than a dollar for anything ever again. That's happiness at the tip of my fingers. But I am a woman, and I will always dream of shopping spree's in New York City, and sailing on a ship in a foreign country. I want to travel, I want to see the world, I want to experience anything and everything. I want, I want, I want...
Don't you know that wanting costs money?

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