About Me

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I am twenty-four years old, I love to read, write, sing, listen to music, watch theater, open presents, hike, and climb. The number one thing I dislike is lazy people. My goal in life over job, or money, or travel, is to overcome the struggles of the past, and become a whole, happy woman.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

My boyfriend is my exhusband and my best friend

Can you believe a title like that for a blog? Imagine having to tell someone random on the streets when they ask you about your relationship status. Even worse, imagine going somewhere with him, then someone asking both of our names, then realizing we have the same name and no rings on our fingers, that we are two Oklahoma inbreds and that we are cousins or siblings. It's so funny how my life has turned out, always seem to do things the hard way. I love that we are still together, and what's funny is I don't think we should have gotten divorced, it's much more complicated...we should have never gotten married. We were too young, we barely knew each other. I can tell you when I first met him I thought he was a nerdy, shy, artist. But he is NOT nerdy, NOT shy, and leans way more to the jock side of things. If we had chosen to get married now, instead of when I was nineteen, we would be invincible. but we didn't, and that's okay, you know why? Divorce changed my life. Sure for a while there it left me bitter, but I learned to do everything on my own. I learned to balance myself, and I overcame the one thing that could sabotage me later in life...cutting.

I benefited from marriage in the equal amount that I benefited from divorce. It's good to be alone, figure out who you are and what you really want. Figure out who to trust, who to love, who to confide in. Scott (my ex husband, boyfriend, lover, best friend) has the unfortunate task of teaching me all the things I was never taught growing up. I consider him a well adjusted human being, and I hold that against him a lot. Partly because I don't think it's fair, and part jealousy that his family all actually like each other. This morning he helped me make quiche for mothers day(I'm a disaster in the kitchen), and I put eggs, milk and the spices all together into a bowl, and then tried to mix it. He looked at me and smiled "Did you forget to mix the eggs?"

"Ummm, yeah" I said. But in reality, I didn't know I was doing anything wrong. See I taught myself everything growing up, and always assumed I had just been correct. Turns out, I'm very rarely right, unless it comes to what a particular word means. It's frustrating. How come HE got to be raised right? How come he got to learn how to cook, and how to survive, and how to make friends. I SUCK at all of that. When I'm around him I try to find good things about myself, and it's hard. It's not his fault he's perfect, it's my fault I didn't do better raising myself I suppose. I could have made girl friends when I was younger, maybe they could have taught me how to cook, or put on eye liner, or where babies came from.

I honestly try so hard not to be bitter, but it seems like I fail at everything I try. Except showing up to every event/function/work thirty minutes early. But that's not really doing something right, it's more a compulsion. I've got a lot of those. One day I'll be important, and hopefully have friends. Until then I got to "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming"


  1. Sometimes when we learn things at a young age (like 24 ) it stays with us longer!

    Back in the stone age, when I was that young, I made a LOT of mistakes. Some I learned from, some I didn't. Good education, I have to admit!

    Somehow, it all seems to have worked out for me so far, knock on wood!

    It's good you are still friendly with the ex. Important to be close with someone that is aware of your history, I think.

    Many times love takes a round about path to our hearts!

  2. It's hard to hear people like you that are so wise, and imagine you making mistakes. It seems as though I'm the only one who makes mistakes sometimes. But your words always put me in a better mood!