The pursuit of happiness

If I don't get a certain amount of endorphins everyday, I feel empty. Granted I have gotten better at coping after all these years, but it still hurts inside. It's frusterating to know that I have to do a certain amount of exercise or have a certain amount of human interaction to not feel depressed. I used to think it was sunlight, but I've gotten plenty today. It's infuriating to not know anything for certain, to be dissatisfied with life and the way things are in life and the world. I need control. Or a rush. When I get a rush, I'm good for a few days. A rush is easier to obtain than say actual happiness. The pursuit of happiness is an unhappy one.