Stressful past couple of weeks, we had a new girl start at work who is already pushing everyone around, I have zero down time anymore with school and my new work schedule, and I haven't seen my boyfriend alone in the same amount of time. Everytime we try to see eachother one of us had errands to run, homework to do, family to see, or exercising. I feel like the older i've gotten, the more I enjoy my free time, but this is making me feel pretty cranky and bummed, and I have never felt so distant from him.
I guess after four years things start to become less romantic. I guess I figure because our relationship started backwards and has been getting forward, that we would start sharing everything together. But a man's idea of sharing is hey "you buy this raft and we'll do shit I want". I feel like I try so hard to accomodate his sporty side, and I am one of the girliest girls ever. I keep waiting for it to be my turn. But the cold hard truth is if I want happiness and If I love him I have to make happiness for myself. So my gift to myself is getting back on the stage horse and auditioning for American Idol next month. I am not delusional, I don't expect to be a star...But it's nice to feel important. I grew up being the center of anything, and seeing as how highschool and my parents never prepared me for the real "no one cares about anything you do" world, it's depressing. It's like all of Scott's family and friends think he's gold, and i'm stuck in his shadow, because I gave up on everything I love.
I know I love him, and that I'm just mad right now, but LOVE IS HARD.