About Me

My photo
I am twenty-four years old, I love to read, write, sing, listen to music, watch theater, open presents, hike, and climb. The number one thing I dislike is lazy people. My goal in life over job, or money, or travel, is to overcome the struggles of the past, and become a whole, happy woman.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Cloudy with a chance of showers

My youth destroyed me. I was so loved and doted upon, called beautiful and taken care of by whoever was near. If I hadn't had all that, it wouldn't hurt so bad to be nothing now. I mean I'm nothing. Sure I'm a daughter, sister, friend, and girlfriend, but it feels empty. The last four times my sister called me it was about presents she wanted me to buy her, her boyfriend, and her son. Mom is basically bipolar, she spent my entire youth not in existence, and not that she doesn't have to take care of or deal with me, she adores me. As for being a friend and a girlfriend, I think a lot of that is just a mask for me not being lonely, them not being lonely. Life is stagnant, and hurtful. It's bills and mental abuse. Empty goals and cold homes. I distract myself from the way I feel by playing games, and pretty clothes. Nothing seems worth it. Not school, not work, not the future. I just want to be done with school so I can apply to work in the peace corps and be out of this for two years. Maybe I'm just having a bad day, but sometimes I think "This is the real me, and the rest of the time, I'm being drugged by possessions and endorphins". I miss addiction. It was the one thing I could count on.

1 comment:

  1. Shannon, the sweetest revenge is to live a good life. I work in the Emergency business and see people die daily. From my job I have learned that it matters not age, race, gender, status, or even heart. We all leave with the exact same things, ... that which we came into this world with. You will never control others, their thoughts, or their words. Others are going to live their lifes they way they want. The only life you have control over or more accurately can impact, is your own. So living a full life and most importantly, a happy life, is your only job. Identify what makes you happy and persue it. Learn to accept those things outside of your control and guide your life towards content, acceptance and simple happiness.

    You have glow about you. Let it shine and warm those around you.