I like the city. It's big and lonely, and people here are cold, sounds horrible, but it suits me. Back home where I grew up, I have the pressure of my family to be their savior. To be the child who saves them, who makes all the money to cure all their unhappiness's, and to be classy and beautiful the entire time. To have faith, but to be strong. To keep love, but never let a man hold me down. Here in the city I can make my own dreams, to not have my mistakes blown up at Kinko's on a poster board for the entire town to gossip about. I don't even know these people I graduated with, how do they have time to gossip about me. It's depressing to go out in your hometown. The same people every night. The only people left from your class are the ones who have had children, or that have done so many drugs they can't move anywhere else for fear they won't have any "connections" for pot, or worse. I blend in up here, I'm left alone. I like being left alone, to have my own thoughts, and my own emotions. To have my own dreams, and have room to make mistakes.
Everyday when I come home I walk past the first apartment on the first floor, and I smell the coconut from her home. I couldn't pinpoint the smell, until Scott assured me it was coconut. I've always preferred the smells of foods to the headache that I get from floral scents. The woman who lives there makes me sad. She had a black eye last week, and her boyfriend looks like the type to have done it to her. He's bald, likes to have a beer constantly in his grips, and looks as if he thinks he's the "big man on campus". Men like that repulse me. Usually when you have doubts and insecurities it's a sign you're human, and humanity is hard to come by in the world we live in.
My cousin got into a car accident two weekends ago. She had just got into nursing school and was starting a new job on the Monday after, so she went out with her friends to celebrate. She got extremely drunk and ran into a tree. She has been through several surgeries since, and her and her mother have to go into physical therapy. I haven't always been a fan of my cousin, and she hasn't always made the best decisions, but she was TRYING to turn her life around. I know about mistakes, and I also know about trying my hardest to go forward and being pushed further away by the current. Ever since I've heard of her wreck, I have been tense in the car, worried that one wrong turn or one idiot not looking when he switched lanes would leave me paralyzed. I don't know if my cousin will be able to walk, but I do know she will get through it with the help of all her loved ones. I couldn't do it, my mind would check out, and my body would never recover. I pray for her healing, and that her daughter will be taken care of in her absence.